walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
