I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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