He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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