you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
