i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
