You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
