Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
did you just send me my own nude
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
