Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
