no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
