onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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