Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
