If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
