i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
