so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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