and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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