Sry I called you an 8
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
