Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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