o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
