This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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