K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
