I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
