just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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