He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
