Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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