I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
