Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
