Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
