Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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