I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There r osticjed everywhere
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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