I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
