well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
