Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
