She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
