I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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