Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
