i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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