So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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