She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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