Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
