So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
