i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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