Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
