I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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