My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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