You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
