I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
