if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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