omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
