Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
