You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
